Once a Thief, Not a Runner

My car was broken into at some point over the past couple days. We've been at home with a newborn, so my car hasn't moved much from it's parking spot. When we do go out, it's in our other car and I'm sure my car feels slightly neglected... to make matters worse, it has now been violated.

So why does this post show up on what is mostly a running blog? Because I believe that the person that broke into my car IS NOT a runner. I believe there is a 66% (or 2 out of 3) possibility that the person who violated my car is NOT a fellow member of the running community.

Here is my rationale:

There were 3 items in my car that I consider valuable to any runner. The first was a Trail Running magazine that was released by Runner's World earlier this year.

The second is Dean Karnazes' latest book: RUN!

Lastly, the only item stolen from my car: an iPod Nano.

Those are three things that any runner would love to have. Trail running magazine's aren't that common, or easily found. And if you've ever read a Dean Karnazes book, you know that they are page after page of inspiration, motivation and some pretty out-there tales of life on the road. The iPod is a toss up. This was a given to be stolen out of any car by a runner or not (even if it was tucked away in my glove box). Due to it being a Nano (small in size) I'll place it in the running category since I like to imagine that most of us prefer the smaller iPod's or iPod shuffles when we run.

Since only 1 of the 3 running related items was taken, that means there is a 66% likelihood that the jerk, er culprit was not a runner. And I have many years of watching Law & Order, CSI, Without A Trace, Numbers and other investigative shows to back up my profile of the theif. And that's a big deal — pretty much equivalent to several years at Langley.

Here are some other quick notes about the thief:

Does not frequently travel into San Francisco (I live in the East Bay)
In my ash tray, coin tray, whatever you want to call it, there were tons of quarters. I'm guessing at least $5-$8 worth. That is San Francisco-meter gold. And if you park in the city, those are 100% necessary. To top it off, I also have a FasTrak (allows you to drive through SF tolls without having to stop) that was not taken.

Not a Laker fan
I have a mini-basketball with a Laker logo that hangs from my rear-view mirror that was not stolen

Not an Oakland Athletics fan
I also have a yellow A's blanket that was a special give-away at the Coliseum that was left untouched.

Not afraid of getting wet in the rain
Yep, umbrella in the back that is still there. Maybe this person is some kind of frog-like-amphibian who isn't affected by rain.

Is not aware of Malcolm Gladwell
C'mon — this guy is a fantastic writer. Yes, that also means I had 2 books (both half read) sitting in my car… and a magazine. Sorry ,I like to read, apparently the thief does not. Side note: I just found out he also used to be a runner (read about it here). I didn't include this in the "running items" list because I'm a fan of his and JUST learned about his running history on Tuesday from his blog.

So if you happen to see someone that doesn't look like a runner listening to a grey iPod Nano with amphibian like characteristics not in Laker or A's gear and couldn't give two-cents about Malcolm Gladwell — call the police. Thanks.

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Suze said...

hysterical! i like your analysis. :) I'm sorry your car got broken into, though. :(

John at Hella Sound said...

Hilarious! You're sure taking it well. Sucks that they broke in, but it also sucks that folks are so broke they have to do stuff like this.
The ashtray is the goldmine. They must be new to the trade. Or, you know, on crack.

Mandi Runs said...

You are freaking funny.

Sorry about the car being violated, that sucks! But at least you still have change to park ;-)